This Just In: Steven Gerard, afraid of balls

On Saturday July 25th, Steven Gerrard and the L.A. Galaxy went to Houston to play the Dynamo and were unceremoniously defeated 3-0. During the humiliating beat down L.A.’s new number nine was seen dodging balls and seemingly cowering away when the ball came near him, even screaming like a little girl

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and pushing players from the opposite team in front of him to avoid having any contact with the ball. When asked about this after being subbed out in the second half, the only responses we could understand were “water”, “hot” and “How the Blank?”.

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In an interview before the All Star game, which he curiously had to withdraw from, helping to confirm the fear theory. Additionally, he seemed confused in what some have called a semi-stroke like state when questions were asked of him and when he did manage to speak he stated that it was the humidity that was scary and “It was a Shock to me system.” Whether it was the ball or the heat we’ll let you decide. Either way, Houston fans rejoiced and welcome Mr. Gerrard back to the city anytime from June to September the ex-Liverpool striker would like.


Disclaimer: This story is in no way accurate, factual or ever in any way connected to any one mention, alive or dead/real or created. It is purely fictional and the brain hallucination of my satirical mind and has no base in reality.